When the night has come and the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see
No, I won’t be afraid, oh, I won’t be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
So darling, darling, stand by me, oh, stand by me
Oh, stand, stand by me, stand by me
If the sky that we look upon should tumble and fall
Or the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won’t cry, I won’t cry, no, I won’t shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
And darling, darling, stand by me
Darling, darling, stand by me
Whenever you’re in trouble
Won’t you stand by me, oh, stand by me
-Ben E. King “Stand By Me”
So I’ve been inspired by a few of my male friends to write a blog post about this. The following is based upon my own opinions, experiences and the opinions/experiences of those around me. If you have anything to add, feel free.
Have you ever had your girlfriend (past or present) complain about the things you do in your relationship? Here’s a quick tutorial for you on how to be a great boyfriend, yes GREAT, by just doing these simple acts of kindness and appreciation from a girls point of view.
1. Others. We don’t care if you look at other girls (most of us don’t anyway). But when we catch you, don’t deny it and get all defensive. A simple “yeah, she’s hot!” will get the argument over and done with instead of it dragging out and making us think the worst. If we’re dating you, obviously we trust you. We know you’re not going to go and grab the girls hot ass. But don’t deny looking at it. That just makes you look stupid and makes us wonder why you’re lying about it.
2. The past. You have a past. We have a past. That’s where it should stay. Don’t be jealous because an ex boyfriend says hi to me if we run into him in public. We’re not like you. We’re nice. We’re not going to be a bitch just because we dated 8 years ago. Simple common courtesy is allowed.
3. Support us. Whether our dreams are realistic or completely insane. Whether we want to be a princess, a gymnast, a baker, a hairdresser, an accountant, a psychologist, or even if we want to kill Kate Middleton and get plastic surgery to look like her and live with Prince William. Whether you think we can do it or not, don’t shoot down our dreams. We’re too fragile of a sex to hear the truth. It’s stupid, I know, but it’s true. We know the truth, we know we can’t ever pay for the plastic surgery unless MTV comes back with “I WANT A FAMOUS FACE”…but support us anyway!
3b. Supporting us with our OWN ambitions and problems is one thing. HOWEVER, and here lies the problem, when it comes to our friends…we still want your support but DO NOT get involved. If we’re right regarding an argument with a friend then tell us we’re right. If we’re wrong, tell us we’re wrong but again, in a courteous way. But NEVER get involved in the actual fight. Girls fight all the time. We can go days or weeks fighting but in the end, we almost always make up. Don’t be the boyfriend that got involved when our temper was at it’s worst because when we finally do make up, tension will now be there between you and that friend that was completely unnecessary. As the guy, you’re going to be the one who needs to make the first move and apologize to the friend for getting involved, whether you were right or wrong. SO, don’t get involved. Let girls be girls. Just stand by our side, in private.
4. Flowers. They go a longggg way. Buying us flowers when you screw up or only on special occasions is good, but spending $2.99 on a shitty bouquet of flowers at 7-11 is NOT going to break your wallet. But I can promise you this, that $2.99 you spent will A) make you a great boyfriend and B) it will be verrryyy well appreciated and reciprocated in other ways.
5. Surprises. Any girl who says that they hate surprises is lying. We just think that there is no way you can surprise us because we’re too good at finding shit out. And, you suck at hiding things. So put in a few more minutes of extra time into that thought of a surprise and hide it from us better. If you truly want us to be surprised, do a better job at it. This way, we can’t find out what it is and you can’t bitch and say “I CAN’T EVER SURPRISE YOU WITH ANYTHING!” Well, no. You can. You just don’t want to put in the extra time hiding it better.
6. Date nights. We love date nights. This does not pertain to just going out and spending money. Date nights could be on a tuesday evening at home, with a bottle of wine and a movie. The trick here is….don’t make us ask you for a date night. Just do it. Think of it yourself.
7. Going out. Again, think of this yourself. We hate that we have to sometimes hold your hand and show you what to do or tell you what to do. If you want to go see a movie or if you want to go to the bar just say so. Unless we’re sick in bed or PMS’ing or the girl is just plain bitch (break up with her in that case, it’s going to end sooner or later anyway), we will do it with no questions asked. Take charge.
7b. This also pertains to going out. If you need a boys night. GO AHEAD. We REALLY don’t care. This gives us time to hang out with our friends without you too. Friendships are important and we don’t expect you to give yours up just because we want to spend all the time in the world with you. Have fun. Don’t go crazy. That’s all we ask. And if you drink, don’t drink and drive. Text us once in awhile to let us know you’re okay. And if you’re out with boys playing poker or whatever, all we ask of you is….to win! :)
8. Texting. Just because we see each other every night doesn’t excuse you from texting us during the day. If you’re busy at work or you’re in class, obviously we understand that. But a text back when you’re not busy is expected and surely wanted. Even if we don’t text you first, text us. Send us a random text saying “i love you” or “have a great day babe!”. Like the flowers, this is extremely effective and costs you NOTHING now a days since everyone has unlimited texting.
9. Share. Share your thoughts with us. Stop being so “macho” and saying you’re fine when your clearly not. Let us know what’s bothering you. If it’s us, tell us. We can’t fix the problem if we don’t know what it is. We do stupid shit that we don’t even realize. So we can’t stop doing that stupid shit that annoys you so much if you don’t tell us that it annoys you. Call us out on it. If we’re being a bitch, tell us we’re a being a bitch. Don’t call us names and use extreme profanity about it, cause that’s just disrespectful and gets you on the “single lane” really fast, but you CAN call us a bitch. Most of us don’t care and would in fact appreciate your honesty. I know me for example, would never care if someone calls me a bitch when I deserve it. I’ll grunt and give an attitude but I assure you, I’ll shut the hell up and stop being a bitch in that moment of argument.
10. Romance. Probably the most important factor in any relationship which sadly, seems to be non existent in most relationships I see around me. Occasionally, yes you will have a girl who doesn’t particularly enjoy romance and gushy, lovey dovey things. But she doesn’t hate it. For that type of girl, just don’t go over board with it or she’ll run. But for 99.9% of the female population, we love romance. That’s what we search for our whole lives. That’s what we grew up with watching Disney movies and that’s what we yearn for as adults watching any Nicholas Spark book turned movie. If you don’t know how to be romantic, then pay attention when we drag you to chick flicks. Whenever we go “awwwww” and put our hand to our chest during a scene in a movie, PAY ATTENTION. We want that. We want the man who will be a man and tell us that they love us. That we’re the love of their life. That make us happy and know exactly what to say and do and the exact right time. It seems much to ask and some of you might be gawking at the idea of this but if you really think about it, how many extra brain cells are you really wasting planning to cook for us one night or lighting some candles in the room just because?
These are just a few but probably, the few most important things a boyfriend could do. Stick to these and I assure you, the fighting will surely minimize, the sex will be greater, and nothing could surpass the appreciation you will receive in return. After all, wouldn’t you WANT your girlfriend to brag to her friends about what a wonderful boyfriend you are instead of exaggerating your greatness?
All the girlfriends (past and present) in the world.
Ps; Girlfriends aren’t perfect either. So stay tuned for “How to be a GREAT girlfriend”…
I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship lately. The people you let in, the people you trust. But what exactly is friendship? Is it the bond you have with a person whom you could tell your secrets too? Or is it someone you just have a great time with and laugh? There are so many different kinds of friendships but ultimately they all come to the same conclusion, you are friends because you like who the other person is.
I find myself lately getting rid of friends. Maybe because I don’t want to deal with nonsense drama anymore. Maybe I’m growing up in that matter. However, it just seems like I keep picking them off as if they were flees. Annoying, bullshit filled, lying, flees. But after I get rid of them, I miss them. Not in a way , “Oh I wish we were still friends” type of way. But more of a remembrance of the great times we had together type of missing.
People change. That happens. I’ve come to terms with that. I drop friends because I don’t like the person they’ve changed into. Why should I be friends with someone I don’t like anymore? But people get so out of shape when we lose touch or when I realize I just don’t care for their crap anymore. Just make it easier on all of us, realize that we’ve changed. What we once thought was a perfect and great friendship that would last forever, just isn’t the same anymore. Fighting doesn’t make a great friendship, fighting barely makes a relationship, period. Sometimes, yeah you fight and you can work through it but it comes to the finish line when you realize that you just don’t want to fight anymore. That giving up is just easier than fighting for it. Especially when you’re the only one trying to make something work when it just, won’t. Talking won’t help, fighting won’t help…so what’s the use? You want to let out what we first fought about to begin with, go ahead! I’m all ears. But it’s still going to be the same ending, which is the end. I’m still not going to want to be your friend.
That doesn’t excuse me from being rude though, which I wouldn’t. If I ever saw anyone that I “cut out of my life”, I would still say Hi and ask how they’ve been. Just as I would to someone I knew in High School or someone I’m meeting for the first time. Just a brief hello in passing.
But some people really get twisted about this and I just DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY!
All I’m saying is that I’m done. I’m done with stupid bullshit that’s going to give me a headache. I’m done arguing about things that mean NOTHING in real life. I’m done fighting about “well you said we were going to hang out!”. I’m done with being the one to apologize every single time when I didn’t do anything wrong. Even if I did, I’d admit it…but the other side would have too as well, and sometimes they don’t. That’s when it comes to that point. I’d rather just cut you out than fight. I’d rather just say goodbye than swallow my pride. Because unlike some people, I have grown up. I am more mature. And I do realize what’s more important to me now. Friendships come and go. You can always make new friends. You’ll always have that few that you’ve known for a long time and trust, even if it’s not 100%. But others, they’re meant to diminish away sometimes. For the first time in my life, I’m okay with that.